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"Abeer" said a girl in a shy little voice, blushing so hard, that her cheeks were almost red.
"Say it louder honey! We are unable to hear it!" somebody teased.
"I didn't say it for you, I said it for Mohini and she must have heard it clear enough" said, the same girl, this time a bit loudly and boldly, so that the teasing girl can hear it.
"But I don't think Mohini heard it, did you Mohini?" asked another girl to Mohini, who in turn, did not say anything, but gave a smile and continued her work, which was to put heena on the blushing girl's hands.
Before anyone else could say anything, the momentary silence was broken by a song,
I wanna make you smile whenever you are sad,
carry you around when your arthritis is bad,
Oh all I wanna do, is grow old with you...
And all the girls sitting in the room joined in to sing the song. One of them also strummed the guitar chords.
I'll get you medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you...
"How sweet!" said one of the girls.
"Shut up and give me my phone" said the blushing girl.
"Not so fast" said another girl.
I'll miss you,
Kiss you...
Couple of girls made the *muah muah* sounds on this line and giggled.
Give you my coat when you are cold
Need you,
feed you
even let you hold the remote control...
"Awww, how I wish I had a husband like this one" said one of the older girls.
"I know, I would do anything if my husband lets me hold the remote control" another one joined her.
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink,
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink
I could be the man, growing old with you,
I wanna... grow old... with... you...
The song and every one who were singing along stopped singing as well. But the song started again, I wanna make you smile...
"Okay now, if all of you are done with having fun around, will anyone connect my phone to the bluetooth device and give it to me or not?" the blushing girl was pink this time, but with anger and not because she was blushing.
Oh I wanna grow old with you... the phone ringtone continued.
"Bluetooth? Are you nuts? Let you use the bluetooth and miss all the fun we can still have? This is the reason, the moment Mohini started putting that Mehendi on your palms, we detached the bluetooth device from your ear, now you are a puppet in our hands. Muhahahaha" said one of the girls and gave a mock evil laugh.
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks... and then there was a beep and the phone fell silent.
"See, you people made her miss her call" said the guitar girl.
"Ah! Her "very important" call, you mean" winked one of the girls.
"By the way, what did the name on the phone read?" a very enthusiastic voice inquired.
"It was Abeer's call, we all know that honey! Don't we?" said the guitar girl.
"Yeah, it was indeed Abeer's call, but by what name is his number stored in Kanu's phone?" said the same enthusiastic girl. "I'm so eager to know what Kanu calls Abeer"
"Ohhhhhhhh" cheered many girls.
After a round of "ohhhs" and "ahs" someone checked the miss call which read, "Abeer" everyone was very disappointed because they did not get anything else to tease Kanu.
I wanna make you smile... the ring tone went on again.
"Wait, don't start singing this time, receive the call and hold the phone near Kanu..." said the guitar girl.
Kanupriya gave a sigh of relief. She thought, if she gets the call she can manage to answer all the questions in yes’s and no’s, hang up quickly and call Abeer later when she was alone.
I'll get you medicine when your tummy aches...
"... but put the phone on speaker mode." continued the guitar girl.
"What? I never saw this coming!" wondered Kanu. "If they put the phone on speaker mode, they can hear our entire conversation and know what Abeer calls me and tease me more"
"Great idea! I'll do it!" said the enthusiastic girl.
Need you, feed...
"Don't do it Maddy, you'll repent at your wedding!" warned Kanupriya.
Even let you hol...
"Which is far away right now, so I don't mind taking a chance." Winked the enthusiastic girl. "Hear you go."
Put you to bed...
"Hello?"
"Yeah, hi Abeer!"
"What happened blossom? Why do you sound so nervous?" inquired Abeer.
"Blossom? Ha Ha Ha..." There was a loud laughter all through the room.
"What is all this noise sugar? Are you on speaker phone?" Abeer shot again, before Kanu could warn him.
"Sugar, ha ha ha... did you hear it? Answer him sugar" teased the guitar girl.
"Oh shut up, Sammy!" snapped Kanu and before anyone could say anything, she warned Abeer, "Listen, I got to go right now, everyone can hear us, my speaker phone is on."
"Why? What happened to your bluetooth?" Abeer answered with another question.
"These cruel people have detached it from my ear... please hang up Abeer"
"What? He calls you 'blossom' 'sugar' and all that and all you call him is Abeer? You disgust us Kanu." teased one of the girls.
"Very funny!" snapped Kanu.
"Then why don't you go to some other room and talk?" fired Abeer again.
"Because I'm not done with the mehendi yet!"
"Still? You are doing it since 12 O'Clock, I called you just after your lunch and that time you were about to start with it... it's 7:30 now and it's still not done? Seven and a half hours!" Abeer fired another question in astonishment.
"It's bridal mehendi Abeer, it takes time..." Kanu tried to persuade him.
"This long?" Abeer did not let her complete her sentence and fired another question.
"Longer than this. I said, I'll call you once I'm done. Please hang up now." Kanu almost begged.
"You didn't call for seven and half hours, I thought you forgot!" Abeer expressed his surprise.
"I did not! I'll call you Abeer, please hang up!" Kanu was getting impatient. "I'll call you, before I go to sleep tonight. I promise."
"Fine then, hang up!" Abeer said, in a bit angry voice.
"I can't, you should hang up." begged Kanu.
"Why can't you, why should I always hang up the phone?" inquired Abeer.
"But..."
"No! You hang up this time." Abeer ordered.
"Abeer, I can't. I've mehendi on my hands and Maddy is holding the phone for me." snapped Kanu.
"Ask her to hang then" Abeer said coolly.
"You think she'll do the honours to hang up the call miss all the fun all these girls sitting around me are having" Kanu said giving Maddy a very furious look, to which Maddy grinned and gave a negative nod.
"Hmmm... right... Okay... I'll hang up, but please call me before you go to sleep tonight." Abeer replied in a very thoughtful voice.
"Okay... done! Gentleman's promise." Kanu sighed in relief.
"Bye sugar! I'll wait for your call." Abeer said happily and heard giggles at Kanu's end. "Oops! Sorry, I didn't mean to have you teased more darling!" “Damn it!” he said under his breath.
"Yeah I know... bye now... hang up please..." grinned Kanu.
And the call ended.
"C’mon sugar, show us your mehendi..."
"Where did Mohini write Abeer's name blossom?"
"Ah! See how beautiful this heena is darling..."
"Did you see this honey?"
Everyone started teasing Kanu, the moment the phone call ended.
Even though everyone was teasing Kanu, she could not resist smiling now, she had a heard Abeer's voice after a long time, yeah seven and half hours was a long time for them, so though they had a brief talk, she was happy and at that moment she remembered what her dad had told her a week before her wedding, "Kanu, you are going to get married in a week, your cousins, friends, uncles, aunts, everyone will tease you... after all it's your wedding, they are coming to attend. Take all this lightly, enjoy it all, because I'm not sure of anything else, but this time will never return in your life... so live it to the fullest."
When she remembered this, she lifted her beautiful face and her grey eyes searched for her dad in that big crowd... it could have been very difficult for anyone else, but she found him. Her first friend and her best friend ever since she had known anything about life. He was her father, friend and philosopher. Kanu loved him the most.
He resembled the sky covered with dense and dark clouds, which would pour down anytime, but they did not. Kanu’s eyes met his, and she smiled. Her dad returned her a very weak smile. He wanted to say a lot but he could not say a word, though his eyes said it all and Kanu read each and every word from them.
***
It was 11:30 at night and Kanu was back in her room, all alone. She glanced at the empty room. "Is it really empty?" she wondered. It was true that she was the only living person in the room, but what about all the time she spent there and all the wonderful memories she had there.
Falling asleep while listening to the stories and fairy tales her dad narrated to her.
Watching the stars, from the window by the bed.
Studying night long on the study table and dozing off there in the morning.
Watching the Sun rise, from the balcony.
Looking at the empty tennis court at night.
Listening to her dad, singing songs and playing guitar, late in the evenings and sometimes at night.
Talking for hours to Abeer sitting on the bean bag in the balcony at night... this reminded her something.
"Oh God! I have to call Abeer now. He must be very angry with me now. It's very late and I did not call him so long." she frantically said all this while searching for her phone below her pillows on the bed. Red. Orange. Yellow. Green. Blue. Pink. Purple. Phone. Finally she found her phone.
"Call Abeer" she ordered her phone and within a second, her phone dialled Abeer's number.
"Hi! I'm a bit busy. I'll call you back in a moment." Abeer said curtly.
Kanu thought Abeer was angry with her, so he avoided her call. But what could she do. Bridal mehendi does take time... it's normal to take this long... what's wrong...
I wanna make you smile...
Kanu quickly received the call but before she could say anything, Abeer said, "Hi Kaaaaaaanu" with a grin.
"Don't call me that Orangy" said Kanu with a mock irritation.
"YOU don't call me Orangy" Abeer replied in a similar fashion.
"You started it..." Kanu shrugged.
"Fine. Fine. I was just joking girl. So done with the mehendi?" Abeer inquired.
"Yep" Kanu replied.
"How long did it take? Eleven and a half hours?" Abeer asked in astonishment.
"No. Almost Ten hours. I had dinner after that. Reached my room a couple of minutes back and called you." Kanu replied sleepily.
"My God! Ten hours? You have a lot of patience! I can't sit at one place even for half an hour!" Abeer expressed his surprise.
"It's tradition... that's why I did it..." Kanu replied.
"Hmmm... so... who is holding the phone for you right now?" Abeer inquired teasing Kanu.
"No one. I'm holding it for myself." Kanu replied checking the room, confirming that she was not being overheard.
"Hey! You'll mess up your mehendi! What about all the ten hours efforts?" Abeer was a bit worried.
"No, it's dry now, so it won't get any messy." Kanu assured him.
"Oh! I see." Abeer sighed of relief.
"So?" Kanu asked.
"So?" Abeer repeated.
"What was the 'very important thing' you wanted to talk to me, which is why you were calling me every now and then since morning?" Kanu asked after yawning.
"Hey! Are you feeling sleepy?" Abeer inquired.
"Yeah Abeer! I had a really long day and tomorrow is going to be more tiresome." Kanu replied.
"Yeah, but do you realise that this is the last night?" Abeer asked with too much of enthusiasm in his voice.
"Last night? For what?" Kanu was wide awake now.
"Last night to talk over the phone like this, late at night, almost in whispers. Last night to be so far away. Last night to fall asleep watching the stars and the Moon out side the window. Alone. From tomorrow, we'll be together. God! I'll miss all this so much." Abeer was very excited.
"Man! I never thought about this! I'll miss all this too and I'll miss this house, my room, the window where I'm standing right now, where I've spent many nights of my life, talking to you in whispers, the bean bag in the balcony, where I've dozed off so many times, the long wait for your calls and texts, the night long text chats we had so many times, the tennis court and above all..." there was a short pause, before Kanu completed her sentence, "above all I'll miss dad." this thought made her eyes moist.
"Hey! It's okay... I know, you'll miss dad... but you know what?" Abeer said to comfort Kanu.
"What?" Kanu asked almost in tears.
"The house that I've booked for us to live, has a window and a balcony facing the east... just like yours..." Abeer told Kanu to interest her.
"That's very nice" Kanu said with a smile, still in tears.
"So we'll put a bean bag in the balcony, where you can sit and talk to your dad in whispers... no body will notice it" Abeer said the last bit in whispers, innocently, to draw a smile on Kanu's lips.
"Very funny... shut up you..." Kanu replied, wiping off her tears with a smile on her face.
"Ah! Finally, I managed to make you smile. Thank you madame!" Abeer teased Kanu.
"Huh! How do you know I'm smiling?" Kanu asked Abeer in a little girl's voice.
"I just know... you need not tell me everything, you know?" Abeer assured her.
"Yeah I know..." Kanu replied.
The momentary silence was broken by strumming of a guitar.
"I think you are getting a call on another phone." Abeer was amazed.
Remember when, I was young and so were you...
"You know I've got just one phone." Kanu snapped.
and time stood still and love was all we knew.
"May be you have another number for another boyfriend?" Abeer teased.
"No actually he's my first husband you see... he wants to come to our wedding tomorrow... I've been avoiding his call for so many days. Do you mind if I invite him?" Kanu said sarcastically.
You were the first, so was I,
we made love and then you cried.
"No, not at all... after all he's you ex" Abeer replied notoriously.
Remember when
"Who said he's my ex?" Kanu was amazed.
"So you guys are still together?" Abeer asked in mock surprise.
"Yep" Kanu replied curtly.
"So how are we gonna get married tomorrow? He will come to our wedding tomorrow, like a Hindi cinema, saying..." Abeer continued teasing Kanu. But Kanu said before he could complete his sentence... "It's my dad Abeer. He must be singing in his room..."
Remember when
we vowed the vows and walked the walk
"Really? He has got a very nice voice... and the guitar strumming, it seems like a pro is playing it." Abeer wondered.
Gave our hearts, made a start and it was hard
"Yeah! He has been singing and playing guitar, since he was in High school... and he says this song, 'Remember when' by Alan Jackson, is the song of his life." Kanu started educating Abeer.
We lived and learned, life through curves
"Wow! I never knew, your dad sings and plays a guitar. It's awesome!" Abeer was still astonished.
There was joy and there was hurt
Remember when
"Thanks and tell him tomorrow, he'll be very happy." Kanu thanked Abeer.
"Yeah sure, but why does he call this song as the "song of his life'?" Abeer asked with interest.
"I asked him the same question many times... but he never replied. He always said that one day, I'll know... but some how I always feel, he sings this song when ever he misses mom." Kanu replied with a bit of disappointment.
"Hmmmm... may be... but it's really..."
"Listen, I got to go right now, I can hear someone's foot-steps on the stairs. May be some one is coming to see if I'm okay..." Kanu sounded a bit concerned.
"Oh! Yeah! Okay... You better hang up, else every one will get a chance to tease you again." Abeer said with a mixture of concern and fun.
"Yeah, bye then, see you tomorrow, good night..." Kanu replied in a haste.
"Okay then, bye, take care, love you..." Abeer replied with a smile.
"Yeah love you..." Kanu replied blushing. "I am hanging up. Bye."
"Bye"
Kanu hung up the phone and crawled back to her bed. The moment she switched off the side lamp and closed her eyes, the door of her room fell open.
It was Kanu's dad on the threshold. Kanu could see him from the gap between her eye lids. She could see the pain on his face. Of course, marrying his daughter away to some guy, parting from the only family he has, was painful. He entered her room carefully, not making any noise, he closed the door behind him, drew a nearby chair next to her bed and sat on it, looking at his beautiful daughter. If anyone would ask him who was the most beautiful girl in the world, he would say, his daughter, since the very first day he had seen her. He caressed her light brown-golden hair and looked at her with moist eyes.
"This is your last night, in this house." He told his daughter, as if he knew that she was awake but Kanu kept on pretending that she was asleep. She thought there must be some reason that her dad is here, talking to her when he thinks she is asleep.
"I wanted to spend it exactly the way I would spend any other night." He continued.
"You know, when you were young, I would creep into your room and spend the night looking at you. Seeing you safe and sound asleep would give me all the peace in the world." He was choking.
He cleared his throat and continued, "All these years I came to see you at night, I wanted to tell you something... something from my past, from your past... but I could never gather enough courage to tell you all that. I was always worried what you might think of me... I feared losing you and I did not want to lose you, you were the only family I was left with. You were the only one that mattered to me and still are. I never loved any one more than you... not even your mom. In fact she taught me how to love any one, how to live a life... and in return... what did I give her? Nothing!" his voice cracked.
There was a momentary silence. He cleared his throat again and continued, "Many times, since your childhood, you would ask me, where was your mom. And all those times I told you, that she died while giving birth to you. But this is not the truth. The truth is, I killed her."
This was a jolt for Kanu. She did not know what to do, how to react. She wanted to sit up straight and ask him why he did it, but then a little voice in her head, told her to stay put and listen further. He is guilty for what he did, may be he had a reason. She waited for him to continue.
He must have wiped off his tears, Kanu assumed. Her dad continued, "She died because of the pain she was suffering from, because of me. Because, I could never keep her happy, I never gave her what she wanted."
Kanu was a bit relived. Because her dad did not literally kill her mother. She waited.
"I would like to tell you the whole story. Right from the day we met, to the day you were born." Her dad said, while caressing her hair.
Kanu was all very excited. She had asked her dad for this story many times, but he always said he will tell it at the right time. "May be" she thought, "he was worried that he might as well slip the end and since he feared losing me, he avoided telling me the story"
"It was the fall of the first year at my B-school. Just like you and me, it was your mother's favorite season. She loved the yellow and orange crunchy leaves. The dry air. The cool breeze.
"I was in the library, when I saw her for the first time. We were browsing through the books. Both of us reached for the adjacent books. Yeah a bit disappointing. Because in most love stories, the guy and the girl reach for the same thing and then they force the other one to take it and you know what all happens next... so anyway, we reached for the adjacent books. I picked the one on her side, Enrich Segal's 'Love Story' and she picked Mario Puzo's 'The Godfather', it was a brilliant choice, so I looked up to see who had picked up 'The Godfather' and I was surprised to see a girl. Tall, light brown-golden straight hair. Waist length. Very fair colour. Grey eyes. Kind. Stunning beauty.
"I smiled at her and she returned a dazzling smile.
'Er, very surprising choice' I said, pointing towards the book in her hand, 'I never expected a girl to read such a book' I added.
"She grinned and replied, 'So is yours' she pointed my book.
'Ah! I'm a hopeless romantic' I told her dreamily with a wide smile.
'Oh! I'm a hopeless...' she paused for a moment and added, 'unromantic' she grinned.
"Both of us laughed out loud.
'Rishi' I said while offering her my hand for friendship. She accepted it and shaked it adding, 'Kavya'
'Kavya?' I asked in astonishment.
'Yeah, why?' she sounded concerned.
'Are you an Indian?' I asked her.
"She nodded in affirmation.
'Woah! Looking at you, I thought you are from Europe or something. Nobody in their right mind would think that you are an Indian. You don't look like an Indian!' I appreciated her.
'But I am one and mind you a proud one.' She smiled at me.
"I replied her with a smile. We got our books issued and left the library. We walked down the library stairs together. On the last step I gathered the courage to ask her, 'Would you like to have a cup of coffee with me?'
'Isn't that a bit early to ask me out?' she teased me. Looking at her, I realised many people must have asked her this question many times in her life.
'Er...' I didn't know what to say. Then suddenly it came out, 'I'm not asking you out. I was just wondering if we can discuss the books that we have got issued today. So that in future, we can decide whether we are interested in the other book or not.' I gave a bit lame reply.
'Ha ha... that's a good idea. Yeah let's grab a cup of coffee some day.' she replied laughing.
'Someday? Not today?' I was a bit disappointed.
'Yeah, it's not possible today. I've a bit of project work today. How about Saturday? The Notebook Cafe?' she asked me.
'Saturday is good. But where's the Notebook cafe?' I asked her.
'Oh it's near the University. You can ask any one, they will tell you how to reach there. They are brilliant. They serve coffee, drinks, food and they have Karaoke on week ends and special occasions.' She replied enthusiastically.
'Oh yeah! We call it 'TNB' cafe. It's nice and cozy. Is 18:00 hours a good time?'
"Aye Aye Captain' she teased me again and started to leave.
'Hey what are you studying at the university?' I called her.
'Let's leave the other things to be discussed over the coffee.' She replied aloud, smiling, almost jogging back towards the ground. 'Saturday, 18:00 hours, TNB cafe. See ya' She waved and left.
"I waved back to her and started waiting for the Saturday.
"On Friday evening I received her mail, you know the university e-mails and all, that she won't be able to turn up for our meet the next day and that she would tell another day suitable to her. She cancelled few more meetings and finally I was convinced that she is not interested in having a meeting.
"One fine evening, in the mid of December, I received her mail, which read, 'Hi! I'm extremely sorry, I was unable to meet you every time I promised you. Are you free tomorrow? I've a day off and I can come to any place at any time that convenes you. Just let me know and I'll be there.'
"At first I thought that this time, I should pay no heed to her invitation but then I thought that may be she was actually very busy. So I decided to meet her. I asked her to see me at TNB cafe at 20:00 hours the following day and told that I would prefer to have dinner with her.
"She was quite happy with the invitation. She replied that come what may, she would be there and there she was, prompt on time. The cafe was flooded with people. Everyone wanted to enjoy the Friday night plus it was Karaoke. I was looking for her when I found a pair of grey searching eyes, at the gate. She was persuading the gatekeeper but he won't let her get in without a reservation.
"I went to the door and told the gatekeeper that she and anyone with her were my guests. She was happy to see me.
'Gosh! It's so nice to see you.' She said while settling down on the table. 'After looking at all this rush, I thought we won't make it today either. But it's great that you already made reservations.' She gave an animated smile looking around.
'Yeah, I was aware that it's going to be crowdy today. Don't you know it's the season's finale for the Karaoke?' I was amazed to know that she was not aware of it.
'Season's finale?' she was surprised. 'But don't they do the Autumn-Winter finale on Christmas eve?' she asked me.
'Yeah, but many times people are unable to participate in the competition because they visit their families on Christmas, so this year they preponed their programme by a week.' I told her.
'Oh great! I was all held up because of this project I had to submit yesterday. I was not aware of anything happening around me for last 15 days. But because of you I can attend the finale.' She sounded happy.
'So what do you do?' I asked her.
'I'm doing PG in Economics.' She told lazily. 'What about you?'
'In the B-school' I replied.
'Oh that's great!'
'Thank you. Would you like to order something? I'm hungry.' I asked her.
'Yeah sure. I know what I want, you check the menu and decide, then we can place the order.' she pushed the menu card towards me.
'Even I've made the decision, let's place the order.' I told her.
She ordered a Chicken Lasagna with a Cappuccino and I had Chicken Wings with a Cafe Latte.
'So...' she started. 'You had any plans for tonight? I mean did you cancel anything to meet me here or you were idle on a weekend?'
'No I had a plan...' I told her.
'But you canceled it?' she asked me before I could finish my sentence.
'No the plan is still on.' I replied.
'Really? What's that?' she was eager to know.
'You'll know' I wanted to increase her eagerness.
'Good evening ladies and gentlemen...' there was an announcement.
'I think they are starting with the competition.' Kavya had a child like enthusiasm.
'Yeah.' I gave a curt reply.
'... so I would like to call up on the stage, out first contestant for the evening...'
Now as you know, I had participated in that Karaoke competition and won the first price by singing Alan Jackson's 'Remember when'. Kavya, that is to say, your mom was very impressed with my musical abilities since that day.
We started spending a lot of time together after that evening. We introduced each other to our friends and all the merry time started.
I won't bore you with the daily details so we'll directly go to the Christmas eve next year. As always we were sitting at the TNB cafe and it was a Saturday. An old married couple was celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary together there.
As an anniversary gift, he sang a song for his wife at the Karaoke.
'Wow! Wasn't that beautiful? They love each other so much! He sang that beautiful song for her as an anniversary gift! How cute is that?' Kavya was mesmerized in the old man's efforts to impress his wife.
'Excuse me.' I excused myself and headed towards the stage.
I talked to the jockey for a while. I was asking if a particular song was available in his list. The jockey denied, so I asked him if I can sing a song while strumming the guitar, it was very important for me. Since everyone at the cafe knew me, I was allowed to do it.
'This song's for you Kavya' I announced on the mic.
"Your mom was astonished and so were all our friends. Nobody noticed that I was standing near the stage for a long time. Kavya gave me an appreciative smile, I winked at her and started singing, 'I wanna make you smile...' yeah, just like Abeer, I proposed your mom by singing the same 'growing old with you song'
"Kanu could see a smile on her dad's face, which was visible because the foot lamp was illuminating his face.
"Your mom said yes to my proposal. We got married after few months and were living a very happy life.
"But like all other couples, we too had differences. On our third wedding anniversary, I asked her, what she wanted as a gift. She blushed to the darkest shade of pink one might have ever seen and said one single word, 'family' to which I was a bit taken aback.
"I, like all other men was eager to be more stable financially before starting a family. I told her, 'Please wait two more years and we'll start a family. I want to give everything to my kids. Yes we'll have more than one. But we'll have to wait a bit more.'
'But can't we start now? Right things happen at right time, we will achieve financial stability after some time...' she pleaded.
'And we can have a family after that...' I kind of concluded her statement not letting her finish.
"She was a bit disappointed. In order to persuade her, I asked her, 'How many kids do you want?'
"She replied with a smile, 'Two, one boy and one girl.'
'Gosh! You've planned all that?' I wondered.
'Yep'
'So what are you going to name them?' I asked hugging her.
'I'll name the girl, Kanupriya' She replied hugging me back.
'Hmmm... Kanupriya... sounds good, but what does that mean?'
'Kanu means Lord Krishna. So Kanupriya would mean someone very dear to Lord Krishna.'
'Nice! And what about the boy?' I asked further.
'You can name him.' she shrugged.
'Okay... then I'll think out his name when we'll have a son.' I replied playing with the hair strands on her forehead.
"Few months passed by. It was a stormy night. I unlocked the door. I was the happiest person in the world. And so was she. But we had different reasons for that.
"She was sitting at the coffee table in the balcony where we would spend most of the lovely evenings. I drew the chair and sat on it, with a wide grin. She looked up at me. Her eyes were moist. They had mixed, confusing expression. I was unable to make out whether she was happy, sad or angry. The smile on my face was wiped off.
"I drew my chair next to her and hugged her. I whispered in her ears, 'You know! I got promoted today. I would be heading the US Office from tomorrow.' she did not reply. She kept on staring at the papers lying on the table.
'Is everything fine?' I was getting worried. She picked up the papers and handed them over to me.
"I read and re-read them. I did not believe my own eyes. 'Please tell me Kavya, it's a false positive.' I pleaded her.
'No... it's not. I've confirmed it from another doctor as well. He gave me the same reply.' she told me in a hoarse voice.
"I thought for a while and asked her, 'So what decision have you made?'
'Regarding what?' she asked me.
'Regarding this...' I threw the papers on the table.
'Is there anything left?' she asked surprised.
'Yeah! We still have some chances.' I said, while I was thinking about the chances we had.
'No!' she shouted. 'I'm not going to let you...' her voice cracked.
'I've to, this is for the good.' my temper was rising.
'What good?' She snapped. 'There's no good in killing your own baby.' she said almost in tears.
'Why don't you understand, this is important for me. The job responsibility, the post, the money. Not many people get such an opportunity at such a young age.' I yelled at her.
'And why don't YOU understand that THIS is important for me. For us.' She was annoyed, but she replied with moist eyes.
'You can wait but I cannot.' I tried to argue.
'I cannot wait either. Do you realise, we are getting old. Right things should be done at the right time.' She pleaded.
'Exactly!' I replied in anger.
"Do you see the paradox Kanu, for me, at my career, I was young and for her, at our personal lives we were old. She was right. We were getting old."
'What's your problem?' She asked kindly.
'What's yours?' I snapped. 'I need a big house, car... I want to give you all the happiness in the world.' I tried to convince her.
'I have you, that's all that matters to me.' she was on the verge of crying.
"I had nothing to say, I left the room... I slammed the door behind me."
"That was the only and the worst fight we, me and your mom had ever had. The next morning, when my thoughts were clearer I went into the living room. I found your mom sleeping on the couch. I reached out to her, I felt sad for what had happened last night. I sat near the couch and looked at her for a while. She must have cried whole night. Her cushion was covered with the kohl marks and the kohl in her eyes was smudged.
"She opened her eyes and saw me. She was confused what to do. So she kept on staring at me. Both of us stared at each other for a while. She was the first one to speak. 'I'm 30 years old. It's already very risky.' she managed to say.
"I looked at her and said, 'But I'm not prepared for the responsibility yet.'
'We are fine. We'll make good parents. Believe me.' She tried to assure me. 'And don't worry about the money, we have enough to raise one kid right now, and sooner we'll have more. She looked at me hopefully.
'But this promotion, work load, I won't be able to pay much of attention towards you...' I tried to persuade her.
'I'll be fine.'
'Fine is not good. That's what you say, always.' I shrugged.
'I'll be good. Okay? Don't worry about me.'
'But...'
'Please Rishi, this is the only thing I ever asked you for...' she pleaded to me.
"I had no other choice but to agree with her and so I did.
"Months passed away, I was busy with my work and your mother was busy planning your and our future. I had to go for long outstation tours. Your mother was not allowed to travel long distances so she stayed back home.
"Just the day before her due day, I had an important business meeting. I promised your mother that I'll return before she gives birth to the baby.
"I was stuck in the bad weather. I cursed myself for it. My client meet was more important for me than my own wife's pain. What kind of man I was!
"I rushed to the hospital as soon as the plane landed the airport. The doctor took me to his cabin and told me that Kavya was in too much of pain and thus they has shifted her to the operation theater. The doctor asked me, 'There might be a possibility when we'll have to choose one among your child and your wife. Whom should we choose?'
"I did not understand his question.
'Look Rishi, your wife is in a very critical situation. So we might have to...'
'Save my wife...' I cut him in between.
'Sorry?' The doctor asked me.
'If you have to choose one among the two, save my wife.'
'Fine, you'll have to fill this form.' He handed me a form which I started filling.
"The doctors spent an hour in the operation theater. It was like an eternity for me. After all that time, a nurse came out and handed me a bundle saying, 'This is your baby. It's a girl.' The bundle contained you, all wrapped in white cloth and a blanket. I did not look at you, I straight away shot at the nurse, 'And what about my wife?'
'The doctor is coming.' she gave a curt reply and left.
"The doctor called me in his cabin and told me that they couldn't save your mom. It was very difficult for them to save her at such a critical stage. 'Though she had asked me to hand this over to you. Even at the last moment of her life, she was talking about you.' The doctor said while handing me a piece of paper.
"With a heavy heart, I came out in the lobby, you were still in my hands but I had not taken even a single look at you. I pocketed the paper the doctor had given me and straight away headed to the reception and asked for a care taker or a nurse, who can take care of you as neither I had time nor was I interested in grooming you.
"The hospital sent a nurse who would look after all your requirements while I was busy repenting on what I did with your mother and trying to work hard so that I can forget the pain of losing the love of my life.
"Then came another rainy night. I've observed dear, that the rainy nights always change my life... anyway so there was another rainy night. Your nurse had left early that day because her son was not well. This meant that you and I were alone in the house.
"It was raining heavily. I'm not sure what, may be the loud thunder or lightning, but something woke you up. You started to cry at the top of your voice. It was a pain for me to listen to a baby cry at the top of it's voice. So I picked you up from your cot and decided to give to some milk, but the moment you were in my arms, you stopped crying. May be in that lightning and stormy night, you were scared and you felt alone. That was the first time I had held you so close to myself. I felt your heart beats. I still remember and cherish that moment. Honestly that was the best moment of my life. That was the time when I realised that you are alive... you have a life. Just like me.
"I decided to keep you on my lap till the time you fell asleep. While you were playing joyfully on my lap, your bare hands touched mine. I peeped at you from behind my newspaper and you gave me a wide toothless smile. That time I saw that you were a true copy of your mom. Light brown-golden hair, grey eyes and a very beautiful smile."
Kanu could see her father's moist eyes.
"You were tapping your legs on my jeans pocket, when I remembered I had kept your mother's last letter in that pocket. I drew it out. It read, 'Dear, these might be my last words to you. I'm in a very critical condition that's why I'm asking the doctor to write this letter to you. Till date I do not know, if I'm going to have a boy or a girl. If it's a boy, you have to choose what you want to name him and if it's a girl, you know what I wanted to call her.'
'Kanupriya!' I said looking at you. 'Yes, this is what I'll name you. This is what your mother wanted to name you.' I told you with a smile and you, so young, still returned me a smile.
Remember when,
old ones died, new were born
and life had changed, disassembled, rearranged.
We came together, fell apart
And broke each other's heart
Remember when.
"That day I decided to wind up everything and return to India.
"Back in India, I started my own consultancy group. So that I can earn for living and also stay with you. You were growing up very fast. While I was at work, I missed you, all the things you did. Your first steps. Your first cycle ride. Your school activities. Sometime your PTA meetings. But I had to do it. This time I did not do it on purpose, I did not want to commit the same mistake that I had done with your mother. But I had to stay away from you because I had no other choice. I tried to spend most of my time with you. So I daily asked you about your activities and read you stories to the bed.
"I sang with you, danced with you and lived with you.
Remember when,
sound of little feet, was the music,
We danced to week to week.
Brought back the love, we found trust
vowed we'd never give it up.
Remember when.
"You always asked me, why I called "Remember when" the song of my life. I called it the song of my life, because I've lived each and every word and been through each and every line of that song. As if it's written based on my life.
Rishi wiped off the tears in his eyes, kissed Kanu’s forehead and left her room. Before closing the door, he gave her one last careful look.
The moment Kanu heard the door close, she opened her eyes and sat bolt straight on her bed. She did not know what to do. She looked out of the window. It was drizzling. It was a rainy night and indeed, rainy nights did change her father’s life.
***
Next morning Kanu woke up and got ready for the wedding. Her dad went to her room to bring her to the wedding marquee. He smiled at her and she returned a radiant smile.
“All set?” Rishi asked Kanu.
“Yep.” Kanu replied to him.
“Show me your mehendi… ah! It’s beautiful… dark shade of maroon. This proves Abeer loves you from the bottom of his heart.”
“Dad!” Kanu was blushing.
“Abeer would be happy to see your dark maroon mehendi” Rishi teased Kanu and winked at her.
“Well I think Abeer wouldn’t mind if it was coloured like him!” Kanu said thoughtfully.
“Coloured like him? I did not get you.” Rishi was confused.
“Coloured orange dad! The Abeer colour!” Kanu replied with a naughty smile.
‘Ha ha ha… yeah right.” Rishi was surprised with his daughter’s presence of mind. “So, shall we move now?”
“Sure”
After the wedding ceremony, Abeer and Kanu came to see her dad. For the first time in her life, she had seen tears in her father’s eyes. She hugged him and wiped off his tears. “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine and you be good okay… take care of yourself, eat and sleep at proper time… do not overburden yourself… okay?”
“Yeah, you too…” Rishi gave her a smile.
She moved further to meet her friends.
“A word Abeer?” Rishi asked Abeer.
“Sure.” Abeer waited there to talk to Rishi.
“Son, I would like to share with you, what I’ve learnt from my life… women are not obsessed with money and career, they give importance to small things in life. Financial Stability is important but it is not everything. Right?”
Abeer nodded in affirmation.
“They love shopping not because they love spending money, but because they love spending time with us… so try to give Kanu as much quality time as you can and you two would be the happiest couple in the world. I’m not giving you my daughter, I’m giving you my life.” Rishi’s voice cracked.
“Don’t worry dad, I’ll never give you or Kanu any chance to complain. I’ll take good care of her.” Abeer said while hugging Rishi.
***
More than an hour had passed after Kanu had left. He was all alone in his big empty house. This was the first time, he was actually feeling lonely. He cherished all the happy memories he had in this house with Kanu. Kanu’s childhood, her teen age, her youth. Her first steps in the house. The first time she rode his back while he piggy backed her. He could hardly believe, that the girl, who was once barely a few feet tall, has grown up so big now that she got married, some time back and is going to have her independent life, independent family. His eyes were full of tears and he did not wipe them off, rather he let them roll down his cheeks because today, no one was there to see him cry or to wipe off his tears.
Walking down the memory lane, he never realized when he had reached Kanu’s room. The moment he opened the door, he smelt a very familiar fragrance, Kanu’s fragrance. Though the room was empty, he could feel Kanu’s presence all around. He would hear her loud giggles while running around in the room, or see her enjoying the beautiful Sun set from the window, cozily lying in the bed reading a book or surfing the internet, or imagine her studying seriously or writing something on her study table.
The moment his eyes reached the study table, searching for his daughter, he saw a piece of paper lying on the surface. He reached out to the paper, thinking that Kanu might have left the paper by mistake on the otherwise clean table. Before disposing it off in one of her drawers, he decided to give it a look. Who knows, she might have scribbled something on one of the corners of the paper and he could once more see his daughter’s beautiful handwriting and live the lovely moment again. He unfolded the neatly folded paper and found something written on it. He adjusted his spectacles, and started reading.
Dear dad,
I know by the time you read this letter, I’ll be long gone, if not out of this country then at least this house.
Rishi had an instant smile on his face.
I know what you’ll say on this. You’ll say, “Even if you are married to someone else, you’ll always remain my princess and you are always welcome to your first home.” I know that dad, but still… any way, the main reason why I’m writing this letter is that I wanted to thank you for everything… everything that you gave me. All the love and care. I know a simple thank you is not enough for all the things you did for me, but that’s all I’ve to offer right now.
Dad, last night, when you came to my room, thinking that I was asleep, I was actually not. I was wide awake. Exactly the same way like I used to be when you would come to my room, in my childhood thinking that I was asleep. I always felt safe when you were around at night and I would fall asleep while you would be there taking good care of me.
I remember, last night, you apologized for what you did to mom. I personally think that I’m no one to forgive you. You should apologise to yourself for what you did to the love of your life. I never knew how mom was nor have I ever met her or knew what she would have liked me to do in such a situation. Since the first day I remember, you are both, my mom and my dad. From what you have taught me over the years, I’ve realized that the first person, to whom anyone is answerable, is the person himself and secondly, remorse is the best apology that you can ask for, to anyone. Last night I saw that you have been regretting for your behavior for all these years, I think it’s time now to forgive yourself, from all the things I know about mom, she would have forgiven you long ago and after all what ever you did, you did not do it intentionally, right?
And about the part, when you did not want me, or chose mom over me or did not pay attention towards me during the first few weeks of my life, I think its all fine, anyone would have done that. So there is no need to apologise to me.
You also mentioned that you repent that you were not there to witness some of the very important moments of my life, like my first steps or my first bicycle ride, or some of the PTA meetings. Honestly, those things never mattered to me. The first steps of my life where the one you witnessed, the first bicycle ride was not the one I had alone and fell from the bicycle, but was the one, when I rode and you were there to hold me when I fell and nurse my bruises and PTA meetings, who cares about them!
You were the one who taught me, how to live life, how to love someone whole heartedly. We have spent some very special moments together and made many memories which are enough to cherish for the life time. This is all that matters to me.
I know, you always wanted to grow old with mom, but unfortunately you could not succeed, but I think you loved growing old with her replica (you always say, I’m just like mom, right?)
And finally, even if now I’m married to Orangy (oops Abeer) and he is my life partner, you were, you are and you will always be, the first man of my life, the first love of my life and my hero.
Thanks for everything.
Love you,
Kanu.
Rishi read and reread the letter. Maybe a few hours ago, she had run her hands on this piece of paper, sitting on the same chair where Rishi sat then. Once again his eyes were full of tears… tears of joy and sorrows, of all the good memories he had, for the lifetime.
He looked at the wall adjacent to the table, it had many photo frames containing his photos with Kavya, with Kanu, singles of Kanu, Kanu and Abeer and many more. But among all those photos, one of them stood out, that was the one taken at the coffee table in the balcony, in their apartment back in US, when Kavya was a few months pregnant. He could see her bulged belly. That was the only photo where all three of them were together, a happy and smiling family.
He looked at the photo and recalled the last few lines from the song of his life
Remember when,
Thirty seemed so old,
Now looking back, it’s just a stepping stone.
To where we are,
To where we’ve been,
Said, we’d do it all again
Remember when.
Remember when,
We said when we turned grey,
When the children, grow up and move away,
We won’t be sad, we’ll be glad,
For all the time we’ve had
And we’ll remember when…
***The End***
The songs used are, Alan Jackson's Remember When and
Growing old with you from the movie The Wedding Singer
amazing work buddy!!!!!the last page of notebook has been successful to leave imprints on my mind :) keep up the good work
@Manish, thanks :)
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